Family Tech Rules Your Children Will Actually Keep

By Heaven Eco Hub · 1 October 2026 · 9 min read

Plenty of families have tried the rule announced at the kitchen table on a tired evening: no more tablets after tea, phones off by nine, no more of that game. It holds for a day or two, then frays. Usually nobody else had a hand in it, nobody wrote it down, and the person who made it is still checking their phone at dinner.

This guide is about the other way: rules made together, written in plain words, kept by the whole household, and changed as your children grow. Sources are listed at the end.

Why do rules made together last longer?

A rule your child helped to shape is one they understand. They know why bedtime phones go downstairs because they were there when the family talked about sleep. They have had a chance to say what matters to them and to hear what matters to you, and that shared reasoning helps a rule survive the moment it becomes inconvenient.

The UK Chief Medical Officers made the same point in their 2019 advice: they encouraged parents and carers to agree boundaries with children around online behaviour and time spent on screens, rather than simply impose them. Childnet describes a family agreement as a way to start a conversation with the whole family about how you all use the internet. Agreeing together does not mean children set their own limits: you still have the final say. It means they are heard before you decide.

And when a rule is written down, nobody argues about what was said last Tuesday.

What does a family tech agreement cover?

Keep it short enough to fit on one page and simple enough for your youngest child to follow. A good agreement answers six questions.

• Where. Which rooms are screen-free, and where devices sleep at night. The Chief Medical Officers suggest leaving phones outside the bedroom at bedtime and keeping mealtimes screen-free so the family can talk face to face.
• When. Which times of day are for screens and which are not: after homework, not before school, a wind-down before bed. They also suggest a break after a couple of hours sitting or lying down using a screen.
• What. Which games, apps and programmes are fine, how new ones are chosen, and who checks the age rating before something is downloaded.
• Who you talk to. Whether your child can chat with people in games or apps, and whether that means only people they know in real life. Include what is never shared: home address, school, passwords, and photos of themselves or others without asking.
• Money. Whether any spending is allowed, and how a child asks for it.
• What to do if something upsets you. The line never to leave out. Say plainly: stop, close it, and come and tell a grown-up, and you will not be in trouble for telling us.

Add two more lines at the bottom: what happens if a rule is broken, and the date you will look at the agreement together again.

How should the rules change as children grow?

The agreement for a small child and the agreement for a teenager are different documents. Think in stages rather than exact ages, and let your own child guide when you move on.

The early years

For the youngest children, screen time is something you share. You choose what is on, you sit with them, and you talk about it. Devices live with the adults, and parental controls and child profiles do most of the work.

The primary school years

This is the stage when a family agreement starts to work in its fuller form. Children can help to write it, sign it, and understand the reasons. Devices stay in shared rooms, parents approve new apps and games, and chat with strangers stays off. This is also the time to practise the "come and tell us" rule, so it is a habit before it is ever needed.

Towards secondary school

If your child gets their own phone around this time, group chats and social media often come with it. The agreement grows to cover sharing photos, being kind online, what to do about pressure from friends, and how the phone is used at school. The NSPCC encourages parents to explain why controls are in place and to keep talking about them, so children understand the settings rather than simply hit them.

The teenage years

Teenagers want, and need, more say. The agreement becomes more of a negotiation, with more trust given as it is shown. But some parts stay firm: phones out of the bedroom at night, honesty about who they are talking to, and the promise that they can always come to you. Giving more freedom is a decision you make together and review, not a switch that turns oversight off.

How do I handle in-app purchases and adverts?

Many games and apps that children use are free to download and earn their money another way: through purchases inside the game, or through advertising. Both deserve a line in your agreement.

For purchases, start with the settings. The NSPCC points out that phones, tablets, computers and consoles have parental controls that can turn in-app purchases off, ask for a password each time, or set a spending limit. Do not leave a card saved in an account your child can use without asking. Then talk about it. Games often make small purchases feel urgent, and children need to hear that small amounts add up. Agree whether any spending is allowed, and that it is always asked for first.

For adverts, the conversation is the protection. Help your child spot when something is trying to sell to them, including paid videos. A child who can name an advert has a chance to stop and think about it.

This is part of why Heaven is building Coda Blocks, a world for children to play and build in, made for them rather than for advertisers. It has not opened yet. When it does, every charge it makes will show in your Heaven account with a receipt, but there is no per-child spending limit on the Heaven side today, so the device and app-store settings above are still the controls to rely on.

How do I model it as a parent?

Children notice what we do far more than what we say. The Chief Medical Officers noted that studies have reported children and young people are worried about their parents' screen use and want them to engage with them, and that adults can lead by example by not using screens excessively in front of children.

So write yourself into the agreement. If phones stay off the dinner table, yours does too. If devices charge downstairs overnight, put yours beside theirs. When you need to check something during family time, say so out loud, then put it away.

What should I do when the rules get broken?

They will be broken. That is when the agreement starts to matter.

• Ask before you act. A child up late on a phone may have been gaming, or may have been dealing with something upsetting in a group chat. The Chief Medical Officers note that a change in behaviour can be a sign a child is distressed.
• Use the consequence you agreed. A consequence written down calmly in advance is fairer than one invented in the heat of the moment, and easier to keep.
• Keep it short and connected. An evening without the device fits a broken bedtime rule; a month without it tends to teach hiding.
• Never punish the telling. If your child comes to you about something that went wrong online, thank them first. If telling you gets them into trouble, they will stop telling you.
• Look at the rule again. If the same rule keeps breaking, it may need changing. Talk about it at your next review.

How do I turn screen time into making things?

Watching one video after another is different from drawing, writing a story, editing a film, composing music or building a game. A useful line for many families is that making things counts differently from scrolling, and that time spent creating can sit in its own part of the agreement.

Ask what they made today rather than how long they were on, make things alongside them, and give finished projects an audience.

For older children who want to build real apps and games, Heaven Code Studio is an area inside the Luna Heaven app where you describe what you want to make and Luna Heaven does the development work while you steer and review. It is a tool to use together, with you beside them and the family agreement still in place.

A sample family agreement

Here is one written in words, to adapt rather than copy. Change anything that does not suit your family, and let your children put some of it in their own words.

Frequently asked questions

Where to go from here

The rules that last are not the strictest ones. They are the ones a family made together, wrote down, and kept, adults first. If you would like a hand thinking about what your children love and where screen time fits, the Children journey guide walks through it step by step, including what Heaven is building for children and what is not open yet.